Building, Giving and Receiving Nice words

T S Haokip

It is relatively easier to comfort someone than to practically endure the pain oneself. How do you console a person who has just lost someone very dear to him? Even the best motivating words in the world could sound just a shallow combination of trivial words. ‘It will be all right; my heartfelt condolences; don’t worry everything happens for a reason; Failures are the pillars of success; etc.’ are what we usually say to console somebody. It is worth brooding over as to if these words meant anything significant to them. On the contrary, should we then stop saying nice things to cheer somebody up?

Life is but a mix of happiness and sadness. Too many precious lives have been destroyed by our inability to manage trying and tiring circumstances. I knew people who tried to drink away their pains and in the process they ceased to exist, but their problems. There are another few lot who tend to run away from life’s challenges in the hope that their problems will disappear. In most cases, the problems only get maximized, if not multiplied, by ignoring it. Be the momentary feeling of loneliness, the acute shortage of funds to meet day’s end, sickness, loss of beloveds, failures and insecurity; it is us and only us who can make it go away. We can choose to face it or be doomed and gloomed.

The same way the beautiful words we said to our friends could mean little or nothing instantly, many encouraging words people conveyed to us might sound empty sometimes. But the inner-words from our heart will help heal our wounds.  Spiritual guidance seems to work wonders for many to motivate one-self. I must however agree that in the face of extreme difficulties, our very faith in God at some point seems even questionable. But beyond that, with the passage of time, it becomes evidently clear that there is someone who loves us in spite of everything. To reach to that realisation will however beseech one to just hang in there.

I did not want to meet anyone. In the midst of hundreds, I feel like being alone on top of a mountain and every word people told me sounded like an echo reverberating over the vales and hills. I was hell-bent in my belief that nobody and no words could ease my sorrow. But several years down the line, I remember a friend who said, ‘This too shall pass. May God give you the strength to overcome this irreparable loss of yours.’ His words then neither remove my grief nor did it brighten me up but now when I look back, it does feel good to know that there are people who care for you. I’d ask myself will I be able to understand the power of comforting words had nobody condoled my loss?

In as much as words might be inadequate to fill the emotional gap when one is down, it will be incorrect to do away with encouraging words altogether. Our kind words may not necessarily cure a wounded heart but it will surely work its worth. When the momentary feeling of enveloping one’s problem passed, the heart rekindles the kind words earlier heard and values the warm feeling of being comforted by people who cared. It does help lighten the burdens and gladdens the mind. In that thought we ought to only be grateful when somebody says nice things to us and we ought to be saying beautiful things to people in their highs and lows.  Let us thence build many positive words within us and spread even more, for given the happenings around us, we will need loads of them to survive in this world. As they say, ‘ kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.’  May beautiful words continue to flow from our lips and nibs.

(The writer is author of the Book ‘HILLY DREAMS’)

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